Decadence Brand Story:

 

If you live each day just trying to get by, you’re not actually living. Jersey boy Lee Mathis came to this realization after having to shampoo his taxi’s carpets for the seventh time in six hours during his night shift in the spring of ’95 (it was a Friday). Soon after he retired his drab, yellow reminder of a monotonous life, Mathis enrolled at the Colorado Culinary Academy. About three weeks into his first semester, Mathis shared a Vermont Maple Cheesecake he had been perfecting for years with his instructor, Jon St. Peter. The chef instantly burst into tears from the glorious blitzkrieg of deliciousness assaulting his tastebuds. “My boy, no longer can the sensei mold the pupil, for they have become one in the same,” St. Peter whispered whilst bits of cake flew from his mouth (which he then proceeded to pick up and eat). Ninety days and a few hundred dollars later, Mathis fathered Decadence, the golden child of the cheesecake world. The rest, is history.

 

Chops Brand Story:

 

Why settle for good when you can be great? Would you accept a full-ride scholarship from South Central Arkansas State University over one from Harvard, or the gift of a Saturn over a Jaguar? Absolutely not, and neither would we. That’s why we created Chops finishing spread, a gourmet way to turn your mediocre classics into delicious modern favorites. Spread it on chicken, pork, beef, road kill, whatever. It’s like an ex-Marine personal trainer for your food. If your taste buds had arms, they’d erect a tiny statue in your really ridiculously good-looking likeness somewhere in your mouth as a thank you for your gracious gift of Chops’ flavor. Wouldn’t that be cool, Mr. Handsome Humanitarian?

 

Flavor Stories:

 

Roasted Garlic:  To be honest, there’s no good reason for a scaly sir such as myself to endorse this finishing spread (considering it goes best with… well, me), but I just can’t resist. I mean, the name has the word “fin” in it. How can you blame me, you know?

 

Bacon Bleu Cheese:  You know what goes well with meat? If you guessed “more meat,” then congratulations, you’re correct and you win nothing (personal satisfaction should be enough for you, don’t be greedy). I may be a simple steer, but trust me when I say that bacon goes with everything. It’s science, people.

 

El Diablo:  You’ve probably never heard someone say “mmm… ghost pepper.” That’s because it’s arguably the hottest pepper in the world. Don’t worry though, because this spread only has a dash of it. So instead of it being “for-the-love-of-God-please-amputate-my-jaw” hot, it’s just “tastefully hot.” But what do I know? I’m just a pig in a top hat.

 

Rosemary Lemon:  I think it’s safe to say that lemon is more enjoyable sprinkled on your food than on your eyeballs. Granted, this is purely speculation coming from a talking duck, but if you’re feeling particularly skeptical just test the theory. If you can still read this, I applaud your intellect.

 

Jerky Pepper Jack:  Jerky is like a son tasked with carrying on the storied legacy of his father, beef. You may ask “but Mr. Talking Chicken III, sir, if beef is jerky’s father, then who’s his mother?” Well my friend, I think that question is best left to a daytime talk show host.

 

Bourbon Brown Sugar:  Some things are just meant to be paired up. Bourbon and sulfuric acid are not two of those things. The flavor combination didn’t exactly test well with audiences, so Chops replaced the acid with brown sugar. This means great taste and zero lawsuits, a concept even a talking buck like myself can appreciate.